I Knew I Was Loved, But Longed For One Moment of Healing
He walked slowly behind the walker to his bed. Suddenly I felt foolish for being angry with him. I had overreacted and I knew it now. He sat down and I sat beside him.
I looked at him closely; he was contemplative. When he finally spoke his words were metered.
Yep. Tonight I triggered on Dad. Some hurt from long ago un-healed.
Somehow in my anger I stated, “I know you think I’m stupid.”
He did something he’s done only once before. He waited until I finished helping Momma, who recently had surgery, then asked if he could talk to me.
He was humble.
He told me he was sorry his face read so negatively (I had told him he looked hateful).
And he told me how bright, articulate, and intelligent he thinks I am.
Tears fell down my face.
He told me he loved me dearly, and he was sorry that he didn’t say that enough.
I told him, “Daddy, I’ve always worked so hard to please you.”
He told me I already have.
And that he has always been proud of me.
Yes…I’ve needed to hear that a very long time, to be reassured that I am good in his eyes.
Restored. Reassured. Loved.
Even as grownups we need this, and I am grateful. Even if we had to argue to get there.